


A very important conversation

by Ravenclaw_Scientist



Series: In which... Scorbus is cannon OR cast 1 Scorbus [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: M/M, Stand alone oneshot really, The most awkward sex talk ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 14:39:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8060254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Scientist/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Scientist
Summary: “Again. What are you suggesting, Potter?” Draco smirked.“Lets go and grab them and do it together.” Harry said. “We can all be embarrassed together and get it over with"------“Dad?” Asked Scorpius. “Are you about to give me the sex talk with my boyfriend and his dad?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> You don't need to read the rest of the fics in this series to understand this one, it's stand-alone. 
> 
> For context, this takes place the night after some heavy drinking at the Potters (by the adults, including Draco) and some lighter drinking from Scorbus who end up having some fun times with each other. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Harry cornered Draco after breakfast. “We need to talk to our sons and we’re both useless.” He blurted out.

 

Draco nodded. “Indeed. What do you suggest? I don’t feel like I can help him.”

 

“I sent an owl to my bother-in-law last night. He’s gay and he’s just replied with some really helpful stuff. Look.” Harry thrust a piece of parchment into Draco’s hands.

 

Draco read in silence for a few seconds. “Yes, this is helpful. We can’t just give this to them can we?”

 

Harry scoffed. “We should try to have a proper conversation with them, so we know they understand.”

 

“Again. What are you suggesting, Potter?” Draco smirked.

 

“Lets go and grab them and do it together.” Harry said. “We can all be embarrassed together and get it over with-“

 

“We cannot appear embarrassed. We’re the adults here.” Draco interrupted.

 

“Obviously.” Harry rolled his eyes. “Do you agree it’s a good idea?”

 

“You know I hate to agree with you but you definitely have a point. I think the boys will appreciate it.”

 

Harry walked off. “Ok, lets do it!”

 

“Now?” Draco followed anyway.

 

They found the boys in the living room, bent over one of Albus’s new potions books, limbs intertwined, while Lily and Rose were playing exploding snap.

 

“Boys, could we speak to you for a moment?” Asked Harry.

 

“Ok?” Albus replied, looking up from the book but not moving.

 

“In private.” Added Draco.

 

“Dad you keep trying to have this conversation with me. Please stop!” Pleaded Albus.

 

“What’s going on?” Scorpius looked confused.

 

Rose stifled some giggles. “Do you want us to leave the room?”

 

“No don’t worry girls, we’ll go up to my room.” Albus stood, pulling Scorpius up by the wrist. “Dad? Draco? Is that ok.”

 

“Good idea. Lets go.”

 

The four walked up the stairs and down the hall. Harry was last to enter, pushing the door shut behind him. Albus and Scorpius threw themselves onto the bed and leant on the headboard while Draco perched himself on the chair at Albus’s desk.

 

Harry sat on the foot of the bed. “As you know Albus, we need to talk.”

 

“No we don’t.”  


“We do.” Harry replied, stern but caring. “Now we can either have an interactive conversation or you can listen to us talking at you but I need to know I’ve done this.”

 

Albus dropped his head into his lap and covered his neck with his hands. He murmured, “Oh please Merlin no.”

 

Harry chuckled. “Oh Merlin, yes.”

 

“Dad?” Asked Scorpius. “Are you about to give me the sex talk with my boyfriend and his dad?”

 

“It only seems ridiculous if you put it that way.” Replied Draco, chuckling. “But we thought you two might appreciate having each other for moral support.”

 

Scorpius’s eye widened. “Why would we need moral support?”

 

Albus whispered in Scorpius’s ear. “Hold on tight, babe.”

 

Scorpius scoffed.

 

Albus sighed and breathed out. He looked up at his father. “If we run will we still have to do this?”

 

“Please don’t run, Scorpius, I don’t feel like chasing you.” Said Draco, deadpan.

 

“I’m afraid so. I sat James down when he started to get serious with Millie and I know I should’ve done this before last night but its better a little late than never.” Harry said, calmly.

 

“You’re too late.” Albus uttered, a little spite in his voice.

 

Harry frowned. “You had sex last night?”

 

Albus sunk down into his pillows, holding onto Scorpius’s arm. “I never want to hear the word sex come out of your mouth again!”

 

“Its about to get a lot worse, son.” Harry paused. “I repeat my last question. You had sex last night?”

 

“I don’t think this is any of your business.”

 

“Albus we should just be honest with them.” Said Scorpius, looking at his boyfriend. “It’ll go quicker if we are.”

 

“You’re right, Albus, it isn’t any of my business.” Harry admitted, “but it is my business to make sure you’re safe and happy. So we need to have this conversation and we need to have it now. I need to know what you’ve done.” He paused. “Spare me the graphic details but I need to know so I can help you.”

 

Albus looked unconvinced.

 

“I genuinely want you to have good sex! You’re sixteen, that’s above the age of consent, so I just want you to be open with me.”

 

“Can I add that I don’t really want to know but I probably should?” Draco sighed.

 

Albus contemplated for a moment. He knew that his father and Draco certainly weren’t going to back down. He decided to try to engage with his dad if he could stand the embarrassment. “But you don’t know anything about gay sex!” Albus blurted out, turning bright red but crossing his legs, trying to look composed.

 

Scorpius looked at Albus, somewhere between shocked and amused. “You’re ridiculous.”

 

“You’re right, but I’ve been doing some reading and sent some owls to some people. I think I’ve got a pretty good grounding. Besides a lot of the basics are the same.” Harry replied calmly.

 

Albus nodded. “Thank Dumbledore one of us thought to do some reading then.”

 

Scorpius piped up. “Actually I’ve been reading too.”

 

Draco raised an eyebrow. “Where did you find these books?”

 

“They’re not even in the restricted section of the library!” Scorpius looked rather pleased with himself before remembering the situation he was in. “I feel better about things if I’ve read about them.”

 

“Did it make you feel better?” Asked Draco.

 

“Somewhat.” Scorpius paused and thought for a second. “It would be nice to hear what actual gay people have said though, the books were a bit, how do I put it, medical?” He looked to Harry. “Thank you for asking your friends for us.”

 

“Always so polite.” Albus leaned to kissed Scorpius on the cheek, his blush spreading even further.

 

“We didn’t have sex last night. So to speak.” Scorpius blurted out.

 

Albus let out a nervous laugh and raised an eyebrow. He ran a hand through his hair, forcing himself to sit up straight. “We just did,” Albus paused, searching for the right words; he looked at Scorpius and decided that he needed to chip in. “Hand stuff?”

 

“Hand stuff?” Harry asked.

 

“Yes. Hand stuff.” Albus seemed happy with that explanation.

 

“Well I suppose we’re not that late then. That’s reassuring.” Harry began.

 

“Not that late?” Added Draco, looking agitated. “We let our kids lose their virginities in the same house as us at sixteen before we’d spoken to them about it properly.”

 

“Calm down Draco, at least they can’t have hurt themselves or anything.”

 

Albus looked panicked. “That counts as loosing your virginity?”

 

“No way, we didn’t even think about it!” Added Scorpius, sitting up.

 

“Well it depends but most people would say that any sexual contact counts.” Harry shrugged.

 

Draco smiled, “its probably better that these things unfold naturally, so they don’t stress you too much.”

 

Scorpius nodded and looked to his boyfriend. “You don’t regret it, do you?”

 

Albus frantically shook his head. “No of course not! I just didn’t expect anything to happen for months and I didn’t think that what we did would properly count, not that it didn’t mean anything, because obviously it did but it’s a bit sudden.”

 

“I agree.” Said Scorpius. “Stop talking though because you’re ranting.”

 

Albus smiled. “Ok dads, lecture us!”

 

Harry looked slightly taken aback, but began. “The first thing I wanted to talk to you about is consent. You need to make sure that you’re both up for what you’re doing every time you do it, even if you’ve done it before and you should expect the same from one another.” He paused, continuing upon seeing the boys nod. “You also have the right to say no or stop at any time even if you’ve given consent if you’re uncomfortable or it isn’t working for you and the other should stop, ok?”

 

“I understand.” Albus replied, smiling to himself. “I did that last night without even knowing I should.”

 

“Good.” Said Harry, obviously a bit uncomfortable about hearing what his son had been doing. “That’s good, I’m glad you respect each other. Anything to add Draco?”

 

Draco shook his head. “I think that covers it. Do you understand Scorpius?”

 

Scorpius nodded, now looking visibly uncomfortable. “Yes.” He breathed out, grabbing Albus’s hand and whispering. “Make it stop.”

 

Lips curling into a smile, Draco continued. “Alright the next point that’s important to mention, especially as you’re two boys, is lubrication-“

 

Scorpius slowly sunk down and covered his head with a pillow.

 

“I have lube please stop!” Albus interrupted.

 

“Who got you that?” Harry was taken aback.  


“James,” said Albus. “Please don’t tell him off.”

 

“I wouldn’t that’s actually very thoughtful of him.”

 

Albus scoffed. “He clearly has strange ways of showing his love.”

 

“Scorpius? Are you ok?” Asked Draco, amused.

 

“No.” A muffled voice came from beneath the pillow.

 

Albus lifted it off his head. “Come on, you’re prolonging it. You said yourself we have to be honest! Tell them you know what lube is!”

 

Scorpius grumbled. “This is so much worse than I thought it would be.” He paused. “I know what lube is and I know you should use it.”

 

“Do you need any?” Asked Draco, trying his best to sound casual.

 

Scorpius tried to wrestle the pillow back from Albus, but his grip was too tight. Scorpius sighed. “I can get some myself, thank you!”

 

“As you wish.” Draco replied.

 

“Alright now onto the serious stuff.” Said Harry, taking his parchment out of his pocket.

 

“That was the best part? Seriously?” Albus exclaimed.

 

“Yeah, sorry. “Harry shrugged. “We may as well get it over with in one session. You two don’t seem particularly comfortable with the situation so why review it later?”

 

Draco nodded. “Do we need to discuss oral?”

 

Scorpius chocked.

 

Albus went stiff and wide-eyed.

 

Harry turned bright red. “The only advice I have for that is apparently lube tastes disgusting.”

 

“Good lets move on.” Said Draco, looking relieved.

 

“Oh Merlin please no.” Albus murmured. “There’s only one place for this to go now.”

 

Scorpius seemed unable to talk but nodded slowly.

 

“Correct, Albus!” Said Harry, who was now finding the situation more amusing that uncomfortable.

 

“Now you’re going to need to learn to brew some potions as I don’t think they’re sold ready made.” Added Draco. “You boys know why you would need these, right? Because you’re not muggles and we’ve advanced?”

 

“You’re going to suggest things like _ferrous leucine_ and _argine rictus_ aren’t you?” Asked Albus.

 

“Muscle relaxants.” Scorpius nodded. “That is clever.”

 

“Exactly.” Said Harry, looking impressed. “Do either of you know how to brew them? Apparently it helps to take half a dose an hour or so before sex.”

 

Albus shook his head. “I’ve never tried. They’ve come up in potions before because they’re useful for pain relief but Professor Slughorn has always said they’re so complicated that I never tried.”

 

“I bet Millie will be selling them.” Added Scorpius.

 

Albus shrugged. “I’d bet I could brew them. Probably best not to try it in the dormitory though, I might get some odd looks.”

 

“Good.” Said Draco. “I don’t want to encourage this but I don’t want you to hurt yourselves.”

 

Scorpius nodded and spoke quickly. “Yes, we understand! Thank you!”

 

“Alright then.” Said Draco, “lets move onto clean-up.”

 

“Won’t _scourgify_ do the trick?” Asked Scorpius.

 

“It depends what you’re doing.” Replied Draco. “ _Scourgify_ is a surface cleaner. It isn’t going to cut it for anything well anything not on the surface.”

 

“We get it.” Albus grumbled.

 

“You’re going to need _Sourgify_ for surface stuff and a precisely aimed _Tergeo_ for, um, other places.” Harry explained.

 

“Right. Great. So we’re all cleaned up! Can we be done now, please?” Scorpius looked towards the two men hopefully.

 

“Oh! One last thing!” Harry added. “Try not to get caught at school. Listen to your brother Albus, I don’t know how he’s done it, but he’s got it covered.”

 

Albus giggled and nodded, the tension in the room breaking. “I will.”

 

“Maybe he can draw us a map of safe places!” Exclaimed Scorpius.  


“What? Like our beds in or dorm after placing lots of privacy charms on them. Honestly what’s the point of being gay if you can’t make the most of sharing a room?” Albus scoffed. “We have this easy.”

 

Draco stood and took his leave. “I’m going to see if Ginny needs any help. Thank you for sitting through this boys.”

 

“Me too.” Harry grumbled, walking out of the room and closing the door behind him.

 

“I will never recover.” Said Scorpius, sounding serious but grinning at his boyfriend.

 

“Do you want to try all that stuff?” Albus enquired with genuine curiosity.

 

Scorpius nodded. “I think so. Perhaps not right away, but I don’t see why we shouldn’t at least try everything.”

 

“I’m going to be terrible.”

 

“So am I!” Said Scorpius. “But we weren’t terrible last night, we’re amazing together.”

 

Scorpius leaned in and kissed Albus lovingly.

 

“I’m so glad we got through that.”


End file.
